Saturday, April 9, 2011

Gold for Gold...

Living on the edge as a writer has forced me to consider selling some of my treasures so that I might get a different sort of treasure...peace of mind. It's a difficult sale on one hand, because a few of the pieces were handed down, were worn on a beloved's finger or breast once upon a time. These pieces have those emotional hooks to people I loved, and who I feel fear of losing emotional connection to when the hooks are gone. Yet, as a spiritual being I understand this is folly. I understand, and yet my heart grasps at the hooks one last time. I even know that were I to present the problem to those sweet souls, that they would giggle at my grasp and egg me on to let go and embrace what is here and now instead.

Then there are the pieces that came from the wasband. Now, this is funny. I was saving them for our children to have and hold. I told them once, "This will be yours someday," and you know what they replied, "Ooooh, ick! Get rid of it. I don't want to carry that around." And, so from both ends I get the support I need to let go and embrace what is here and now instead.

The spring trees are blossoming already. It's high time to begin planting my saplings for my heirloom peach orchard. I've had the seeds growing next to the window (my eyes watching the world go by). I've actually gone past the dream stage quite suddenly, and in a way I never would have suspected. I was dragging my toes in the well-plowed earth one day, and the next day I was digging holes with a vigor I have not felt for years...years since my divorce, and even before then. I may never have felt this excited about my ideas: I have landed squarely in my hope for an orchard of dreams that produce more and more dreams over the coming years of my life. Please note: I am a middle-aged woman who has started on a new path and it is going to astound you what this amazing idea is going to produce. I hope everyone who ever reads this posting of ideas will experience at least one of my peaches someday...

I expect to have the orchard planted this year. Terra firma is the first step. I'm racing to get the layout just right to take maximum advantage of the light, and the protection from harsh winds while the saplings expand their roots deep into the dark, well-nourished soil. I have to dig deeply and rely on somethings that may lay in the great unconscious. I may have to spread around a lot of fertilizer, and like selling gold, it is a lot about letting go of fears and attachments.

There are pieces of equipment I need to support my proverbial orchard:

  •  I need new shovels, turns out (a new laptop in the real world)
  •  I need to buy some time to get everything just right. 
  •  Investing in regulating emotional flow, is a must, so that my orchard is well-irrigated and also well-drained.
  • I need to build strong boundaries so that my orchard isn't invaded or robbed. Fence building takes resources! 
With all of that in mind. I start to teach again in a few weeks. I find that starting my orchard has re-invigorated my willingness to teach what I know because it gives me hope that there will be a market for my students' work. I know that I will get growing tips also from the exchange and I'm excited to share my enthusiasm for writing and storytelling again. I'll be opening myself up for private mentoring, too, and I really hope to find a few students who may actually want to become part of this orchard tending. We'll see what happens. 

So, I'm selling some gold in order to invest in a futures market that is all my own. 

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