Wednesday, September 26, 2007

a cobbled existence

Turns out there are miracles. Well, perhaps they come in as half-measures sometimes. Maybe sometimes, half-miracles are all we can take...

Rather than having one big job in my life to support my kids and my home, it seems that my life will be a cobbled existence. Small jobs cobbled together to create some kind of whole. The biggest stone at the moment is such a small stone I wouldn't have even realized its existence ten years ago. That's just to show how much a life can change.

I believe it has something to do with being a mother for me. I am unable to make a decision to not show up for my kids in favor of lots of work. To be authentic to my true desire to be present for my children, I have to treat my time with them as, I suppose, garden beds that I have to cobble my path around. I am choiceless about this. Occasionally I fool myself about that and get an idea that I can mow over those garden beds, but when I get right to the edge of them, I am simply unable to comply with the desire to have a big job.

I'm very excited because the Universe has granted me a real part-time job. This is the big cobblestone I have. It allows me to drop my kids off at school and pick them up from school. I love the job and am able to do it without straining myself. I meet absolutely no resistance to doing the work. This is actually unusual for me believe it or not. Or maybe work is like that for everyone.

This part-time job will not satisfy me however, and so I must find many other cobblestones to go around it and around my flower beds. I have many half-finished projects that are begging to be completed and to be released into the world. I am half-way through designing my own Tarot deck, for instance. I must write the companion guide. I also have several screenplays at various levels of done. Neither of those will bring in immediate money, but if I can complete them in the next six months then I will be well on my way towards having some kind of reliable life because at least I will be able to say that I completed these things that are important to me. I won't wonder anymore. I'll just know if they're viable or not.

Then I also read Tarot cards now and then. If I put just a little energy into advertising and making people aware of me I know I'd read more often. It is a wondrous practice for me and a gift. Now I have a place I can do readings at, too.

I might try to clean houses on Fridays for some extra cash. It seems like that's what I've been doing a lot of this year -- cleaning houses. So, why not make some cash doing that?

I wonder how many cobblestones I'll find to fit in my path...? Each one is a miracle that lets the flowerbeds grow.

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