Wednesday, September 12, 2007

KosmicEgg Begins to Crack

As the snake wraps itself around the egg of its own creation, taking her tail into her mouth, and consuming herself, what exactly happens? What happens when the egg of creation cracks?

That is my interest today and perhaps I will change my mind tomorrow. I had a life that was whole and complete, or so I thought, and I cracked it open. I feel like the thinking is my egg, and I Am truly the snake. I understand that the creation is perpetual, but right now it feels finite. It feels like I am making a new egg from fragments of shell, and that it is not really the best way to create a new life. It is a puzzle that is missing parts and pieces, and what I want is a new egg.

Precisely, this is where I am wrong. I do understand that the egg, that which I am made from, is infinite and will not break until the wheel of necessity, that destiny made up of challenges and opportunities, is no longer a necessity. And, as Lao-Tzu says, "The best way to do is to be."

Okay. Let me be pedantic. I am a 43 year old woman, with two elementary school age children, divorced and starting over. It isn't that I'm uneducated that explains why I'm finding it hard to find viable work to support us, to find the ability to put a roof over our heads, to feel comfortable in my own skin, but rather that I am in a crisis of faith. My previous life's work, to make an unworkable marriage work, is over. I surrendered. My ego finally let go of the goal. Oddly, the void has created more uncertainty than being emotionally and physically abused.

So, if you can picture this, my ego is like that eggshell, punctured by life itself, cracked beyond repair. I actually hope this is true because my ego clearly had no idea what it was doing. Still living without that control freak friend has made life feel uncontained. Am I like a runny egg now spilling all over everything? Yes! Exactly. Perhaps, a frying pan is called for? Good Lord, that is my life for sure...

I know, I know, I'm being too literal. The Kosmic Egg is not an actual egg, but there is a reason we use this symbol to understand the basis of life itself. The very Oneness of an egg comes from understanding that within the shell all is contained and from that wholeness more will come in perpetual creation, and that life itself forces us to crack open that containment. Change is inevitable, and the serpent leads us to this change because it is necessary for us to break beyond the bounds of the ego and realize that our Oneness is only complete without the shell....

Is the Universe simply a series of egg-like structures, always getting down to the smallest observable or even unobservable particles which are based soley on probability and not on reliability? The ego demands the shell because the shell is reliable. Yet, please let us note how fragile it is in truth. All that is required to break through that shell is the Will of God, the snake, a stubborn challenger to the thinking self.

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