Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Episode Review

This is the beginning of a new phase of my life.

I am honest, honorable, and act with integrity. LIFE LOVES ME.

I bless the gift of disappointment.

Any mistakes I make are merely stepping stones on my pathway.

I allow myself to think big dreams.

Giving service is my highest priority.

Patience is my spiritual practice.

All my work is of the highest quality.

I have faith in myself and the process I am going through.

I am finding my own voice.

I teach only what I have learned for myself.

I am becoming an expert in my field.

I am incredibly successful.

Today I create a new life, with new rules that totally support me.

It is easy for me to walk through new doors and I am always welcome.

With these declarations, and my approach to them, I hope to make a difference with my writing. Writing requires practice. Like any muscle in the body that hasn't worked that much for a while, a gentle routine is required to build up endurance, and strength. These episodes are like walking on the treadmill for fifteen minutes when you've been sitting on your butt for more than a year or two.

It takes courage for me to make the first step towards greater commitment, and I'm summoning all of mine to make this step. I have let go of nearly everything, but writing, so that I can see it is the one door I've been avoiding opening seriously for years. I may have peaked in, or even stuck my toes through, but truly I have avoided walking in through this door for a long time. Now the time has come and I am afraid of failing, or of being mediocre even. It is a visceral fear because I have eliminated all of the Plan Bs and Cs and Ds. There is nothing to fall back on anymore. I can say that even as I write this, my mind is making lists of alternative routes around the door. ("I could just get a job at Starbucks," "I could start teaching classes at the Y," "I could try to get into a teaching certificate program," etc.), but today I'm resisting that voice of reason and I'm risking it all to write.

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